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The Light and the Dark

In him was life, and the life was the light of men.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
John 1:4,5

"Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!"
Psalm 46:10 


    John 1:4,5 is a very appropriate way to start this post and it would be appropriate for many others like myself for whom the light of Jesus has shown in their darkness.  Why did I say "their darkness"?  Because spiritual and emotional darkness takes different forms for different people and it doesn't affect everyone the same way.  I also am not a physician or a licensed counselor.  What I am though is a Jesus follower, a Christian and it is Christ who defines my worth. The reason that I tell you that, is that is where my experience and knowledge come from.  My reason for posting my story is three-fold.  1.  Satan has convinced me for a long time that if I ever told anyone about my struggle then I would suffer embarrassment, shame, and ridicule, 2. I want to help someone who like me, has allowed satan to keep them in the dark, and 3.  I want to glorify and praise the Creator of the Universe.
   
    For the better part of 10 years off and on, I have struggled with anger issues, anxiety, and worry.   The slightest little things would set me off and I would yell and scream at my wife, my kids, or my co-workers.  After the arguments and yelling stopped, I would try to wall myself off from everyone.  This portion of the episode may be the worst because of the despondency, apathy, and melancholy. Things that would normally bring me joy, I would not care about.  During this time, I could put on a well-formed mask for people who didn't know me, but for those that I care about and am around a lot, the mask was transparent.  I treated them so bad and I was a jerk.  After about a week of this treatment, I would go through a list of people that I had treated badly and apologize.  By the simple grace of God, they would forgive me.  Even as I type, I am floored at the amount of grace God has given me.  I am thankful for my wife and kids for how much stuff from me they have put up with and how much they love me. I realize that I will still have bad days, but through the process of sanctification, I am maturing spiritually.  I am thankful for friends and co-workers that have not abandoned me but have gone through cycle after cycle of my anger and apathetic moods.  My story is overshadowed by the story of Jesus and what he did for me on the cross.  This testimony is long, so I will stop here and the next time I write I will start with where the healing began.  I covet your prayers and know that I am praying for you to a God that knows exactly what you are going through.

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